Present and Accounted For

This is becoming my new thing. Into work early. Make sure I'm prepared - or as prepared as I can be because who knows what the day and the people in it will throw my way - drink a coke zero - because it's bad for me and it's not fattening and how many things can you say that about? - and then blog. Blog about all the irrelevant little me stuff that really doesn't matter to anyone but that reminds me - of me. Because, quite seriously, I'm in danger of forgetting who and what that is!

I've spent the last two years very industriously and painstakingly becoming something that I never in any concept of myself imagined myself to be and it shows. I've become something I don't recognise, inside and out. The very fact that I recently seriously contemplated quitting acting tells me just how far I've travelled from my true self. See, I was so far out on a limb that I felt an urgent need to do something that was sensible, reliable, and stable - but I forgot that each of these words is like a little death to my chameleon gemini soul. I forgot my ambition and lost my passion, my waistline, and the plot. I got sort of - squashed.

So now I'm going through the motions of the things I remember the real me does. I'm swimming every day - which believe me has been a challenge with the way I feel in a swimsuit! I've put my horse back in work. I'm eating well. Hopefully I'll become nice and obsessed with it all, get all driven and sleepless and edgy. Run on adrenalin. Uncomfortable. Dissatisfied. Then I'll know it's the real me. Believe it or not, that's the me I like. That's the person who dares to dream and expects exceptional things from herself. I'm going through the motions till that person wakes up 'cause she's been bored to half to death and she's left the building.

And I don't blame her.