Under Siege

Over the last week or so I have felt myself under siege - from sources that, in retrospect, I shouldn't have given a second thought. But it got to me, I let it. It slipped in under my skin and lodged itself there in a most uncomfortable fashion.

In this unnecessary state of anxiety I went downtown to run some errands. In the first store I went into my query was answered in a short, snappy fashion by the shop assistant and I completely took it on board. I tried to stop myself - I walked out of the store telling myself over and over "It's not about you. Not everything is about you. She's obviously having a bad day. Anything could have happened. You just walked in at the wrong moment." It didn't help. I was already under siege, and the shop assistant's curt response added more weight to the world that was on my shoulders.

Crushed, I sulked up the street and into the next store. I was so caught up in my woeful thoughts that I almost missed the brilliant smile and the cheery "Have a nice day!" from the checkout girl in the supermarket. I almost completely ignored her, which would have left her feeling like crap too. Almost. Just in time I caught myself. I stopped, looked at her, smiled, and gave her a genuinely grateful "Thank you."

Genuinely grateful because she reminded me of something I knew - but forgot. There's a balance at work in the world. For every up there's a down. For every high there's a low. Most importantly, for every demon, there's an angel. When we feel ourselves under attack from somebody or somebodies being thoughtless, unkind - even cruel - we need to look around. Somewhere there's an angel. And while it's human nature to hear and pay attention to the mean and nasty stuff, with a slight shift of focus we can see how much love and kindness and support comes our way to balance it out.

Sweet Dreams

Does this happen to anyone else?

This is kind of hard to admit - but I recently I've been contemplating quitting acting. For good. Long story, a whole other blog...

Every time I start thinking like this, I have the same dream. I had it last night. I'm sitting in the back row of an empty theatre auditorium, looking towards the stage. Cate Blanchett is sitting beside me. She's holding my hand, and she's talking to me about acting. Last night she was talking about my voice. I could barely speak, but finally I forced out the words "May - I - audition - for - you?" I guess I meant Sydney Theatre Company. It was so hard to ask, but as soon as I did, she began making suggestions to help me out.

Today I find the midday movie is Veronica Guerin, and there's Cate, and the soundtrack featuring the same haunting Sinead O'Connor sounds we had in 'Blood Brothers', reminding me how GOOD it feels to be onstage.

Always happens.

Last Post

I'm moving! This blog will be continued on my website: www.michellemcaleer.com - I'll see you there!

Sunshine

The sun came out today and I got mobile. I'm so predictable!

Vacuumed, cleaned the house, did some laundry, went out and unrugged the horses, went downtown and bought paper and ink and printed out the latest "Quandary" script, walked he dogs, went to Brian's and watched Michael Jackson stuff on Foxtel, checked out his poker set (still no idea how to play, but LOVE the feel of the chips), did some writing...

Sun's well and truly gone now and it's freezing. But - I hope - the sun'll come out tomorrow, betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun...

I've been housesitting at Mum and Dad's house for a few weeks now and I'm thinking when I get home to my little house I'm gonna do some rearranging - my computer needs to be in my lounge room where the heater is. It is TOO COLD out the back. My mission for the last two weeks of holidays is to get very, very organised for Semester Two because there is no semester break next term. It's gonna be head down, tail up, and buckle down for sixteen weeks (during which "Quandary" will be performed, too). And then - somehow - it's LA or BUST!!!

Disappointed

Can you believe it??? I got the date wrong for returning to uni - I thought we had this huge break, but there's only two weeks left, not three. I am not impressed by my own inaccuracy!

I just finished watching all "The L Word" dvds I could get my hands on and I had to know what happened after that - so I read all the episode summaries on the show's website - which I must say is a very time effective way of covering the show's last three seasons, although not as enjoyable. I am SO relieved that at the end of the final season Bette and Tina are still together and Tina has not run off with that man from season three and taken baby Angelica with her. Just as well!

The weather is no better today, as you can probably tell... I went with some uni friends to the cinema this afternon to see "Ice Age 3" but there were, like, hundreds of children there so we decided to give it a miss and get a dvd instead. We chose "Death Race". Yes. Well.

Shiver

I'm gonna say it again - it is so cool to be on holiday right now - it's just icy outside and I get to stay indoors, relax, blog, write, and watch hours and hours of TV series on DVD. I LOVED the first season of "30 Rock" - I knew I would, Tina Fey is a legend!

I had my Drama classes tonight. Last night I spent ages online finding monologues for kids, and I found quite a few - from "Finding Nemo" and "101 Dalmations" and "Alice in Wonderland" (amongst others) and I gave them to the younger group to do - and... (trumpets sound)... THEY DID IT!!! They focussed and read over them and then got up and read them in front of the group. I'm pretty chuffed!

Blazie and I braved the cold first thing this morning (actually Blazie LOVES the cold - must be that fur coat) and went out to give Sakie some extra feed. I brought her in and put my hands up under her rugs (she's wearing three) - it's toasty under there - thankfully!

I'm ready for a new commitment - I started the Celebrityslim diet four days ago - I didn't admit it till now because I've tried to start about four times in the last month and chucked it in after a day! This time, though, it's sticking. I didn't weigh myself before I started because it's too cold to get naked on the scale before breakfast but I will set a goal to reach by the opening night of Quandary - and I will set that goal as soon as I know when opening night is! So I'll keep you informed on my progress.

Speaking of Quandary, tonight I asked my theatre daughter Ann to teach me to play poker. We've decided to make every Tuesday night Poker Night. I'm so excited! She and Gosh are gonna teach me Texas Hold 'Em. This can be our mother/daughter bonding time - maybe we can work it into the play.

I'm gonna go watch "The L Word" Season Three. Bette and Tina just had their baby! Aww!

Cool Change

I heard on the news tonight that a "cool change" is on the way. A "COOL CHANGE"??? Thanks for the warning...

Leaving the house is like an extreme sport at present, and yet again I have my animals to thank for the fact that I even opened the front door today. When I finally did this horrid woman in black was cycling by screeching "I'll get you Dorothy - and your little dog, too"... but she took off in a hurry when she actually saw Blaze.

So I look forward to this "cool change". I guess there'll be glaciers and stuff.

But I'm not complaining. I watched my TV series on dvd and found some monologues for my students and even did a little tiny bit of writing on Storytimed.

There's no place like home.